Black Friday isn’t just about outsmarting and outlasting your neighbors to get the last $9.99 DVD player in the bin — it’s also about rolling up to Target, Walmart, and Best Buy in a stylish machine that can strike fear into your shopping adversaries’ hearts while still offering enough utility to bring those sweet, sweet deals home. Doorbusting is no joke: it looks cool if you do it in a Z06 or a 911 GT3 RS, yes, but that doesn’t do you a whole lot of good when you emerge from the store victorious, battle scarred, hoisting a 65-inch 4K television above your head.
Let’s get real. You need a Black Friday tank. I have some options for you.